Monster.

More research. More answers. This time, a source not so far from me.

Marissa's ghost seems to be here to stay. As I've said, she's not present all the time, but nearly every night I catch a glimpse of her or hear her playing or crying quietly. If she is a ghost, she seems to be a very friendly one. It seems to me that the most likely reason for seeing her now is that she's some sort of recurring hallucination that's manifested since being drowned. Other people can't seem to see her, and dreams and hallucinations are not outside the possible symptoms of something like PTSD, from what I understand. I'm not an expert - far, far from it, but anyone who's been in the military has a story about or knows someone with PTSD. Were I an expert, I'd probably tell myself to go and get professional help.

Especially now that I'm starting to believe that her appearance may not just be a part of my own mind, but some other conscious thing as well. She does and says things that I have no control over. She saw that man standing behind me before the hairs on my neck even stood up or I felt like I was being watched. And she knows something about the secret in my hometown.

Dealing with the stress of the nightmares has been harder and harder lately; each time it happens is an exhausting experience. I'm so sleep deprived that whenever I close my eyes and feel sleep coming on it feels like a glass of water coming to a parched man. Every time that it's denied by the recurring nightmares, it's like finding out that instead of clear refreshing water, it was full of ocean brine.

As I rely more on caffeine to get my through the days and alcohol to put me to mercifully dreamless sleep, at the moments when I'm feeling the least centered, Marissa appears to be the most "solidly" in this world.

As I said, I haven't given up on finding out what I can about the mystery in Oregon. The trail has long since gone cold. Especially with the vast amounts of time and distance between whatever happened there and me now. But for Marissa, it's not ancient history.

There are few things that I've gleaned. It's almost like solving a puzzle, since I have to figure out precisely the right questions to ask or I get nothing. For example, "Monster Medicine" as she called it, originally made me wonder more about Newport Pharmaceuticals. After talking to Ryan, it made more sense to ask about the "old hospital" where she likely would have been given medicine.

"Marissa, do you ever have to go to the doctor?" I asked gently. She stopped playing with her favorite toy, an old Raggedy Anne doll, and looked at me with an anxious frown.

"I don't like the doctor. The doctor's not nice."

"What do you mean 'not nice?'"

Marissa covered her scar with her hand, something I had never seen her do before. "He hurts me."

"He hurts your head?"

"Mmhmm."

"Why do you think he does that, Marissa?"

"I dunno. Daddy says he has to fix it."

"Fix it?"

"My head."

"What's wrong with your head?"

"Um... Monsters?"

"Monsters in your head?"

"Uhh, yeah. Monsters like Monster medicine."

"Do you see monsters, Marissa?"

"No."

"Then what do you mean 'monsters?'"

"Um... Doctor Monster?"

"Doctor Monster? Is he the one who's hurting your head?"

"Yeah."

This is what led me to find Doctor Philippe Reece Menser.

Menser  was, from what I could gather, nothing short of a genius. It was relatively easy to find content related to his name: he had co-written countless scientific and medical articles during a period of only a few years, most in the early 1950's, which I found out later was during the time that he attended college. At first, I thought that Philippe R. Menser was a common name because the journals in which they were published were so variegated. Everything from micro- to macro-biology was present, and all the way up through several different systems of human anatomy. First, I was finding them piece-by-piece through my old university's research search tools, but then I found a huge collection from a book that had been scanned and uploaded onto a very '90's-looking HTML site. I tried to skim the articles. I tried.

I should mention that the journals themselves in which he was able to publish his work did not seem to be particularly credible. If he had had an equal number of articles in, say, the American Journal of Public Health, then surely he would have been known world-wide as some sort of great pioneer of modern medicine. Even still, the sheer range of topics he covered in such a short time left no doubt that he was something remarkable. I began to realize as I skimmed the articles listed on the website that he had seemed to have focuses in a few subjects.

First, was medicine and pharmaceuticals; development, testing, chemical makeups, etc. Keep in mind that the rise of Penicillin was during, or slightly before this time.

Second, was neuroscience. This was the area where his designed experiments were more understandable to a layman like myself. There were hundreds, ranging from the mundane to the extreme.

Third, and indisputably the most prevalent subject, was religious science. Many of these articles had gone unpublished, and it was clear why. There was a unique blend of chilly scientific fact, mixed with long passages from the King James Bible intermingled with rambling interpretations of the subject matter. A lot of them read like sermons - sermons given by a very knowledgeable doctor trained in several fields of study.

If I can conclude anything from what I saw, it's that this Dr. Menser was both brilliant and stubborn in his attempts to prove his deeply-held spiritual beliefs with the science that he had devoted most of his life to. As I reached the end of the list, I realized that I felt a little like I knew him. I honestly cannot think of anyone who has been so prolific and put so much of themselves into writing that just an erratic skimming the surface could give an impression of knowing them. I could see his lifelong struggle laid bare before me in writing.

The last item in the list, dated January, 1956, was a piece describing the chemical reactions which preceded the rejection of a transplanted body part, and hypothesized how that outcome could be avoided through the prescription of certain, unpronounceable medications.

The unique front cover contained the words "property of Newport Pharmaceuticals, Newport, California."